Blame, Shame, and the Game We Play
It’s easy to point the finger at someone else for the pain in your life. I did for two decades. I allowed myself to remain in a marriage that wasn’t healthy emotionally, and for comfort I turned to sugar. Whenever we fought, my go to—a fattening Starbucks coffee, chocolate chip cookies, then I’d grab sweet snacks for the evening while I binge watched Netflix. I gained 60 pounds and blamed him for each pound.
Followed, was the shame. I’d look at myself in the mirror and didn’t recognize the reflection. So, I put more sugar in my body, as I felt guilty and believed I’d never change. I invested thousands of dollars in various diet programs. Some were successful, but the cycle at home continued, and so did the sugar, which became an addiction.
Inwardly, I was crying for help. But I didn’t know how to make it stop.
Does this sound familiar?
Blaming someone else as your life didn’t turn out the way you wanted.
A friend mentioned a conversation she had with her teenage niece, she said youth blame the baby boomers for the condition of the world today. It’s easy to blame others, for life events and conditions not being in your favour. Yet, in blaming others, you forget to look at the role you play. You’re not innocent. Either am I. I spent years believing I was a victim and refused to let go.
When I was new ager, my spiritual coach repeated many times to leave my marriage. It was the only path to happiness. But I stayed, as I didn’t want to leave my house. It was my sanctuary. I could be in my own space, so could he. Despite the turmoil in the relationship, it was the privacy I cherished. In truth, I was living in denial. I didn’t want to face my role, the cause of my addiction, as I reached a point where I believed nothing would change. And I couldn’t stop.
When I received sound advice, I resisted, as the consistent pattern would be broken. Then I’d have to face the truth. The root of the pain and my role in it. I kept the storm at bay. I knew if I released it, tears would flow, and my life would change.
To remain stuck in the cycle of blame, shame, and the repetitive game of resistance, isn’t living. It’s like a hamster running on the wheel in its cage. You never break free.
I watched the movie “To The Bone” on Netflix the other night. A story of a young woman suffering from an eating disorder. I connected to her strong resistance to change. She blamed others for her circumstance, refused to listen to sound advice, and reached a point where she couldn’t stop. The breakthrough was seeing her true self, the pain, the addiction, that she was able to move forward with recovery one pound at a time.
For me, I believed my sugar addiction was hopeless. Over the summer, I lost 20 lbs but didn’t believe I deserved it and gained it back.
It was only recently, in my new life as a Christian, Jesus revealed the sin of selfishness. Addictions are based on selfishness. It’s the pleasure of the senses you hold on to. No matter the cost. And the cost is great. Your health, relationships, career.
It’s in the recognition of how your actions impact yourself and others, that shines light in your heart. For me, it was the light of Jesus. He showed me a part of myself I never knew existed. My focus to blame someone else, allowing shame to be the game of my life, falling prey to resistance and the cycle of repetitiveness, to satisfy my desires.
I realized I had to surrender my addiction at the foot of the cross and give it to Jesus by repenting, and through His grace, I was healed. The desire of eating something sweet was gone instantly. A part of me, believed I’d never be healed. Jesus blessed me with His peace and gave me the gift of freedom.
Luke 15:10
Jesus said, "I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents."
This verse is a comfort knowing the Kingdom of Heaven rejoices when you repent. But it’s not a one-time gig. Repentance is ongoing, as we sin. We’re born with sin passed down from generations, sins of the father, mother, sister, brother, uncle, aunt, cousin, they get passed on to you. Along with this is the blame, shame, and the game of resistance, denying you need help.
Quote from Dr. Rob Reimer from his book ‘Soul Care’:
“You cannot heal that which you will not admit. You have to bring these patterns into the light.”
These patterns are modelled after your parents and their parents before them. If you suffer from an addiction, it may be possible this addiction was inherited. When I reviewed my family history there was addiction on both sides of my parents.
Dr. Rob Reimer in this book stresses the importance of getting help:
“Use all the human resources available to you to break through. Sadly, because these areas are often reinforced with shame and secrecy, people are frequently reluctant to reach out for the help they so desperately need.”
This help can be in the form of prayer partners, a close friend you confide able to give encouraging advice, or if needed, a counsellor. Without help, your life will continue on autopilot and a path that doesn’t serve you or others.
We all need a breakthrough. A song by Katy Nichole, ‘In Jesus Name’, encouraged me with these lyrics:
These words gave me hope and a prayer to Jesus to lift this addiction. But I had to give it to Him through repentance, only then was I miraculously healed.
I pray you find a way to heal the cycle of blame, shame, and the game of resistance attached to addictions or selfish intentions. I pray for your freedom, to wake up knowing in your heart your healed. As you’ll feel new, washed clean from the inside out. And you’ll know instantly His healing grace, as the compelling urge will be gone. It’s a wonderful and delightful feeling to be released from the chains that bind you to addiction. It’s freedom.
God Bless,
Hi, I’m Cathy.
A blogger, photographer, author, passionately driven to pointing people away from new age indoctrination to find redemption in Jesus Christ.
I’m a mixed blend, excited to share all I offer...
Blog-Twisted Roots
Do you find yourself asking questions about new age, whether the practices and beliefs are leading your soul to redemption?
As a reformed new ager, I was saturated in the belief I could co-create with the universe and manifest a life of abundance. But I was deceived. This blog is to point you to the truth of God’s words and how He perceives the new age indoctrination.
Fine Art Photography
I always dreamed of being a professional photographer when I grew up. It was a journey to reach this goal, but I did it!
I owned a home-based studio for over a decade but have been shooting images for two decades. Now, semi-retired, I have a collection of my most cherished images of landscape or nature available for wall décor.
