Transformation in the Making
Do you ever sit and contemplate moments in your life, periods of joy, happiness and despair. I don’t normally make it a practice; however, I came across a Christmas letter I wrote in December of 2021, and it intrigued me. It’s a revelation of a state of mind, but with determination for change.
When I wrote the letter, I was saturated in new age where I believed I could manifest my own reality through the power of positive thinking aka law of attraction to manifest changes in my life. To view my life from a bird’s eye perspective, witness myself in action, change my mindset and deliver me to an abundant life. That is one of the main philosophies of new age, to have abundance, be open to divine guidance by listening to your spirit guides, card readings, repeated affirmations, and spending time in meditation. It was the source I used for enlightenment. However, as I read this letter, there was no enlightenment or peace.
“I’ve always been known as the Christmas Queen. I LOVE the season, the sparkling lights, people hustling and bustling to pick out a gift for that special someone, the parties, the social gatherings with friends and family, but this year was different.
Up until Dec. 22nd I had the Christmas spirit. Money was tight, but my spirits were high. Then a turn of events occurred where the money I anticipated dwindled and, suddenly, there was very little to keep us going throughout the holidays.
The words from Twas the Night Before Christmas came to mind, ‘there arose such a clatter’, but in my case it wasn’t St. Nicholas, it was my dark side. A side of me where I didn’t even know who I was. My actions and reactions to last minute changes, shocked my mother and son.
When I look back with a bird’s eye view, I saw myself at a pivotal breaking point, acting out of character, not knowing what to do or how to be. It was the worst I’ve ever been. I was full of rage and disappointment, a complete switch to how I view the Christmas season.
To give you an example, my house is transformed with Christmas in almost every room. I have three Christmas Trees. I watch Christmas movies from mid-November up until Christmas Day and even a few afterwards.
Why was this Christmas different? Well...when you’re yelled and screamed at for hours and blamed for money being gone it takes a toll.
I’ve lived with periodic verbal abuse for 27 years, and since 2019 have been struggling financially. I’d love to pack my things and go but been struggling to find fulltime work. Not to say my spouse is always mean because he isn’t. He can be incredibly kind but most of the time it’s like living with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I never know what mood he’ll be in.
On Dec. 22nd he took me by surprise. I was happily getting ready to leave for Calgary to visit with family until Christmas Day, when out of the blue he started asking questions about money. I became numb and didn’t know how to answer. His anger rose and his face contorted in rage. He became sooo ugly. It killed my Christmas spirit. And on Christmas Eve, my rage of being treated unfairly for decades came to light. I transformed into a person I didn’t recognize.
On Christmas morning, I apologized to my mom and son and they both said they’d never seen me so upset.
So now that 2022 is here, my intentions are to have a new life, a new beginning, where I’m treated with respect and kindness. A life where there is an open door of opportunity so I can make my own money and leave this marriage once and for all.”
My life didn’t turn around, despite time spent meditating over my vision board, continual coaching from a local spiritual coach and an online medium, encouraging me that things would change. All I needed was a positive mindset, time spent on self-care, and daily affirmations.
However, when your spirit is broken these methodologies don’t work, despite continued efforts. In fact, it only led me down a path of darkness, my full testimony.
The point of this blog is when you’re in a period desperate for change, you’re an easy target to the enemy due to your vulnerability and intense desire for a remedy. It’s critical to not take measures that cause more harm, like turning to new age or other practices that cause bodily harm. This trap is a snare where making changes can be a bumpier road then the initial event.
I can relate to how you feel as I know what it’s like to walk in hopelessness and despair, where you feel life has no meaning, and you struggle to seek purpose and fulfillment. Where getting out of bed is a chore, or how you cringe when you see other people laughing, as you’ve forgotten how to smile.
When I view that period in my life, it was like a veil of darkness covered and followed me everywhere.
Seasons change. How they change is a personal choice. For me, it was calling out to Jesus for help. It was only through Him and in Him, I found the peace I longed to fill my mind, heart and soul. He saved me from the darkness and replaced it with the light of His peace.
Now, I pray:
Dear Heavenly Father,
You have taken my brokenness and have given me strength, endurance and a hopeful heart. You have gifted me with your peace. Replaced my fear with confidence you walk before me and will never forsake me.
I realize now my life is not my own. It’s yours to mold, guide, and lead into the light of your Son, Jesus. You have your reasons and your design for how I can best serve you. I don’t understand the reason; however, I believe this journey will have a purpose to glorify you. I trust in the process. You have my heart, and my soul. I surrender all to you.
Amen
I am forever grateful for this new life and perspective. It’s a freedom I never thought possible. To worship the Lord, walk with Him, connects me to His unconditional love He shares with anyone who asks.
Each conversion has its own story, but what’s common is the tears—the release of the pain and suffering. For me, it was guilt and shame from following a practice that taught spirituality but had nothing to do with God or Jesus and believing in it so intensely.
Many seek Jesus Christ and learn to love and trust Him more and more. It’s a journey that fills you with His gift, the Holy Spirit. A guide so you’re not alone in this walk to understand His teachings and grow in your faith.
The important thing to remember is building your relationship in Jesus is found in reading the Word. Always seek scripture to find answers as words you need to hear will speak to you.
John 16:33
I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.
To help you in your journey, I created a Prayer Journal, to build a closer bond with Christ Jesus.
As you grow in your faith, it’s important to dedicate time to be with God in prayer, a quiet space to meet with Him, and invite Him into your daily thoughts. In doing so, you will experience His peace and presence in every aspect of your life.
The Prayer Journal includes…
The journal is in a digital format where you can print numerous copies of each page. The design is based on a variety of different formats to enhance your relationship and prayer time with Christ Jesus.
Prayer is powerful, intimate, and personal. It’s also a petition to our Heavenly Father to intercede on behalf of others. Mostly, it’s communicating and expressing with heart felt passion, to a God who sacrificed everything to break the curse of sin that separated you from Him. He desires to hear your words, be in His presence, and learn to love Him more and more.
The Prayer Journal is available as a digital download at my ETSY Store, Archway Designs by CFC Studios.
Get your copy today.
Hi, I’m Cathy.
A blogger, photographer, author, passionately driven to pointing people away from new age indoctrination to find redemption in Jesus Christ.
I’m a mixed blend, excited to share all I offer...
Blog-Twisted Roots
Do you find yourself asking questions about new age, whether the practices and beliefs are leading your soul to redemption?
As a reformed new ager, I was saturated in the belief I could co-create with the universe and manifest a life of abundance. But I was deceived. This blog is to point you to the truth of God’s words and how He perceives the new age indoctrination.
Fine Art Photography
I always dreamed of being a professional photographer when I grew up. It was a journey to reach this goal, but I did it!
I owned a home-based studio for over a decade but have been shooting images for two decades. Now, semi-retired, I have a collection of my most cherished images of landscape or nature available for wall décor.
